Death talk


Yup, you are just 3 months away from your 4th birthday’s celebration and we had the death talk already. Beautiful morning of May in Silicon Valley, random weather as it has been lately, heavy traffic which is a constant in the Bay Area and NPR on the radio.

I was listening to the newscaster, various topics of today’s crazy politics were discussed, you were playing with your brother on our way to daycare. I didn’t know how close you were paying attention to the news; however, as soon as your heard the word “dying” you reacted to it. You told me that dying was not good, I was surprised by your comment and wanted to understand where this came from.

I turned the radio off and paid full attention to your explanation, you said that dying is sad, that at daycare people said so. I immediately understood the situation, a couple of days before I learned that a close relative of the daycare owner passed away.

For many years I have feared losing my parents, probably everybody has that feeling; but for some reason it has been always present in my mind since I was a teenager. I have always tried to protect myself from that moment, I have seen how it has deeply affected people around me and I want to feel “safe” from that.

Anyway, as a parent I needed to hide those feelings for a moment to help you understand that dying is not bad, that life is a cycle where at some point people we love so much have to leave and say goodbye. We may feel sad because we won’t see our loved ones anymore; however, it is very important to always remember all the good time we spent together, the laughs we shared, their hugs and how good they made us feel.

I am sure this is one of many conversation we will have about this topic, and the first of many tough topics that I will face as a parent. How to explain something that I haven’t put my arms around?

At the end of the day, I will figure it out. I will always try my best, I’ll get out of my comfort zone to open any doors for you.

Love you.

Today I have been challenged big time


Life comes with all sorts of tests, at the beginning we freak out during finals or mid-terms. Then, we join the labor force which presents an interesting gamut of challenges, including some individuals’ personalities, project deadlines, market changes, job ambiguity, etc. 

But today, ambiguity has a new definition, has taken me to a new level and has created the most stressful day with my little loved one.

Yesterday I offered myself to stay at home to take care of the little one who has some fever, at the beginning the plan seemed straightforward, take a couple of work calls, send few emails and then take an online training that was due today. The baby would play around with the tons of toys she has, eat “well” under current circumstances and take the traditional 1pm-ish nap. Hmmm, nothing happened as planned.

This is how today looked like, πŸ•—πŸΌπŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ•˜πŸ˜’πŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸ˜’πŸ•šπŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ•›πŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ•πŸ‘ŸπŸ‘ŸπŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ‘£πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸͺπŸ•‘πŸ˜΄πŸ•’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ“±πŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸŽΎπŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ•ŸπŸ˜’πŸ˜’β”β¬†οΈβ†—οΈβž‘οΈβ†˜οΈβ¬‡οΈβ†™οΈβ¬…οΈβ”πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸΌπŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ™‹πŸΌπŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸΌπŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸ˜΄

Oh yes, I finished all the work I planned for today and she kept 😒😒😒 and πŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸ‘ΆπŸΌπŸ‘ΆπŸΌ

What happened here? This is the first time she is so unpredictable, ambiguous, mood changing…somebody told me, so woman.

The only thing that kept me engaged, understanding, careful and patient was the humongous love I have for her. It is hidden somewhere, I don’t force it, it is simply there to give me the strength I need. Every time I look at her, every time she puts her head on my chest, every time she takes my hand to walk, every time she kisses me with a big mmmmuuuuuaaaa sound.

I will take care of you as long as you allow me to, love you.